Tuesday, February 14, 2017

Top Ten Sappiest Love Songs

      It is Valentine's Day. What better time to celebrate the ickiest of icky love songs? Even if you are single, you probably love a truly sappy love song. These are the top ten sappiest love songs as far as I m concerned. The list is, as always, just my opinion. You may vehemently disagree with any and all of my choices as you see fit.
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10. “There'll be Sad Songs”--Billy Ocean
      I cannot make a list of sappy love songs and not include a sappy love song about sappy love songs. It is too meta not to include. Did the '80's listeners ever ponder Ocean's self-awareness with this song as mine did with Alanis Morrisette and “Ironic?”
09. “Longer”--Dan Fogelberg
      “Longer” is likely the most famous song of the last few decades to compare the singer's love to some poetically immeasurable concept. I am using the concept of poetry generously. At one point, Fogelberg rhymes “mountain cathedral” with “forest primeval.” The song cones across as a declaration of love from an overly sensitive dreamer with a tenuous grip on the reality of relationships. Bonus points awarded for a seventeen year old once crooning the song on American Idol.
08. “(God Must Have Spent) A Little More Time on You”--N'Sync
      Justin Timberlake has got it bad for this chick. Why should he not? Out of all God's creatures great and small, she is the one who surpasses them all. Talk about being blessed by both hands. Or better yet...never speak of it again.
07. “Hello”--Lionel Ritchie
      “Hello" is more famous for its video which manages to turn a schmaltzy love song into the story of Ritchie creepily stalking a blind girl. The theme is supposed to be touching, but it comes across more disturbing than anything else. Even more disturbing than the bust the blind sculptress makes of Ritchie
06. “I'll Be”--Edwin McCain
      McCain performs the impossible and crawls his way back from the dead for love. What more could you ask from a guy?
05. “Truly Madly Deeply'--Savage Garden
      The singer wants to do all sorts of cool stuff with his love. They are going to stand on a mountain, bathe in the sea, and live forever until the sky falls. But is living forever as cool as crawling your way back from the dead? I think not.
04. “You're Beautiful”—James Blunt
      It is probably the most overplayed cheesy love song of the 21st century. The lyrics are a whiny stalker's lament of unrequited love, yet the song resonated among listeners. Whatever that says about the concept of modern romance, it is not complimentary. What is with that false start, by the way?
03. “(Everything I Do) I Do It for You”--Bryan Adams
      You could not escape from this three years too late power ballad that belonged amongst the big hair glam rockers in their heyday. If the song had been released then, we probably would not be forced to associate it with Kevin Costner in tights. Adams declares he would die for his love. Okay, but he will crawl his way back fro the dead? McCain still enjoys a leg up on other devoted lovers with this impressive feat.
02. “My Heart Will Go On”--Celine Dion
      You hate this song. I hate this song. Dion hate this song. It loses all intended meaning as Titanic's rose hates Jack so much, she allows him to freeze to death rather than share her roomy piece of floating debris. Of course her heart will go on. She doe not give a crap! At least the Irish flute intro is long enough to offer time to turn the song off before the misty eyed ballad really gets rolling. I imagine this is the “You're Beautiful” of my generation.
01. “Glory of Love”—Peter Cetera
      Interesting the last three sappiest love songs feature prominently in films. Perhaps it is not entirely fair to not evaluate the songs based solely on their merit, but it is next to impossible to separate many of them. How could you not appreciate a love song from The Karate Kid, Part II? Especially when said love song serves as a reminder chivalry is not dead.

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