Thursday, December 31, 2015

The Year in Retrospect

       Your eyes are not deceiving you. This is a blog entry not about my ordeal with Wilson Senior Care ad Oakhaven Nursing Center. I always intended my experience with those entities to be written out in full, glorious detail on Sine Qua Non, but I had no inkling of how difficult the task would be. The plan was to write the story all out during the spring and summer 2015, then move on to bigger, better things. It has not happened that way. I know it is even weirder the entries have been backdated. They will continue to be, as well, as I slowly but surely write them out.
       But we re on the cusp of a new year, and new years are a time for new beginnings. So I am going to move on as well. There is much to talk about these days. A few of yo may remember I was a dedicated blogger from 2003-2012 before my world was turned upside down. It has taken me a while to regain perspective. The fire in my belly did not go out, but it burned in another direction. Some might say a destructive direction. As much as I love to play the argumentative contrarian, I will not dispute the claim. I have not been myself in quite a while. My old personality is reemerging, and it feels...interesting in my new set of circumstances.
       The year began with me under siege. It continued with me pushed off a proverbial cliff into a life I never figured I would live, but one I find strangely comfortable. The studious, cynical hermit reeling from nearly four decades of living around some tragically dark, broken souls, with still some hope the meager idealism I can muster is only sleeping, not mortally wounded. I might have a long way to go with that one.
       If all that rot sound overly dramatic, here it is in plain English. For those of you who remember the late, lamented Eye of Polyphemus blog...i am not the same guy who used to scribble the drivel all over that place. Th last three years took me in some radically different directions/ Sometimes for the better. Many times for the worse. But I am eager to begin writing it all down again like the old days. If there is one thing I have learned in the last several years, it is rolling heavy thoughts over in your mind I no where near as therapeutic as writing them down. It truly is a purging. I appear to have much to purge.
       I have learned much, too. Not only about myself, but about relationships with people. Spending nearly nine years in virtual isolation in my sister's home severely warped what was already a difficult social awkwardness to a crippling emotional state I needed over a year's worth of counseling to recover. I figured many thing were lost forever during those dark times. Not so. There will be plenty of time to talk bout those in the coming days.
        Tomorrow is the first day of 2016. It will be the first year in a long time I will enjoy a fresh start without carrying into it the lingering baggage from the previous year. As I said above, I have returned to largely being on my own again. It has been over a decade since I have been the master of my own fate, free from the cruelties, whether by conceit or malice, of others. It means I am back in my element, folks. I just hope my return is not too little, too late.

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